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Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in Stepping Stones' LiveJournal:

Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
4:51 am
we started ttc in spring of 2004, i became pregnant on second try and miscarried our baby julia that summer.

after another year of meds and IUIs i finally became pregnant again in feb of 2005. andafter a hellish highrisk pregnancy, i was forced to have a c.s at 32+ weeks because of complications.

on 18oct we lost our 19 day old baby girl jaeci in the nicu. there was nothing wrong with her, they just put her on her belly and walked away. she died a needless death.we took her twin brother jaxen home with us that same day. but his homecoming has been one of tears and sorrow and not joy. he is going to think that breastmilk is salty as it is always mixed with my tears.

((i started a community to help us and others deal with the loss of a baby in a multiple pregnancy/birth situation, i am not sure if it pertains to anyone in here, but it might..


please delete this if it is not appropriate.
if not, please pass it on if you know of anyone in this situation.
thank you))

Current Mood: melancholy
Friday, September 29th, 2006
9:49 pm
A Small Victory
My husband and I would like to tell you all about our non-profit organization, A Small Victory http://asmallvictory.org/.Collapse )

If this is against the rules of this community please feel free to remove the post. Thank you!
Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
6:13 pm
My Name - George Canyon
It’s cold in here fells like everything’s upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barley make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
I’m gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paint’s my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven’t learned any fear any pain
It’s kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they’ve got me, to blame
And they don’t even know my name
And they don’t even know my name

Well I’ve never felt so ready, think it’s finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it’s mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said don’t worry, your mommas gonna be alright
Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in
Said you can wait right, here till it’s your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didn’t even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didn’t even know my name
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
6:02 pm
We got married on a Saturday,
planned on having babies right away,
but something happened on the way,
because then the doctor had to say...
you've got no chance.
you don't get to dance.
There's no way for you to do it all on your own,
but you can try,
and you will cry,
because you will never do it alone.
So we started talking lots of drugs,
and demanding extra loving hugs,
with the madness starting overnight
because we couldn't do this one thing right.
We've got no chance.
We don't get to dance.
There's no way for us to do it on our own.
But we still try,
and it makes us cry,
because we never wanted just to be the
two of us alone.
2:28 pm
Careless Words
"But I tell you that men will have to
give account on the day of judgement
for every careless word they have spoken."
Matthew 12:36
Anyone dealing with infertility and miscarriage
knows how often we're faced with inappropriate
questions or comments from others. Most of us
learn to simply live with it and answer with somes
sense of civility and sensitivity. Others get
angry. Some will try to lighten the subject
with humor.
Empathy and compassion for the person hurting makes
people want to say something. However, I've come to
notice that most of the time people choose to speak
just to relieve their own discomfort. They talk
because they think they have to, when actually
sometimes the best response to a person who is
hurting is silence.
Here are some words meant to encourage that are truly
careless words:
1. You're still young; you'll have other/more chances.
For women who've had a miscarriage, even if other children
come along eventually, it won't diminish the pain of
losing a child. And for women who are having trouble
getting pregnant, just because they're young doesn't
mean that there will ever be a chance for them.
2. Don't give up. My aunt waited 12 years before finally
getting pregnant, or my cousin lost 3 babies before finally
carrying out a pregnancy successfully.
This means: be glad, it could be worse. Hurt is NEVER
minimized by comparison. It's hard enough to work out our own
grief without adding the grief of others to it.
3. It's probably for the best.
Never tell a woman who's lost a child that it's probably for the
best. The last thing she wants to hear is that something was
wrong with the child she'd already come to love. And a woman
who can't get pregnant doesn't want to hear how great her life
will be without children, all the things she and her husband
will be able to do. They've probably already planned out their
life surrounded with children. That's what would be best for them.
And NEVER say it was God's will. God's will is not to make
people suffer and hurt.
2:01 pm
Personal Story
My husband and I always assumed that once we got married that children would come
along eventually. But of course the way that we think life should work and the
way that it actually does work are very rarely the same thing.
We've been trying to have a child for almost ten years now, but with no luck.
After years and years of trying on our own, mostly just letting things happen
naturally, but occassionally trying vitamin supplements or other bits of advice from
friends: pile pillows under your butt after sex, drink lots of raspberry tea, eat
lots of soy, drink goat milk, you name it we probably tried it, we decided it was time
for some type of intervention.
Finally, in 2001 I went to a reproductive specialist at the urging of my primary care
physician. He diagnosed me almost immediately with polycystic ovarian syndrome. I
started a regimin of pills to help reduce the cysts on my ovaries (glucophage/metformin)
as well as another pill to bring on my period each month in case it didn't come on its
own (medroxyprogesterone). Each month I went in to have a progesterone level drawn and
an ultrasound done, and each month the cysts stayed exactly the same and my progesterone
levels indicated that I just wasn't ovulating. For about 6 months we kept this up, steadily
upping the doses of medication. I was such an emotional wreck and so horribly moody that my
husband couldn't stand to be around me. It came down to either I was going to have to stop
taking the meds or my marriage was going to crumble around me.
Then we moved to a different state. My new insurance no longer covered my visits to a fertility
specialist. I started seeing a regular ob/gyn who put me back on the exact same protocol
that i had been on previously. Yes, the one that hadn't worked in the entire six months I had been
on it. I decided to be patient and see if he did anything different. The main difference I found
was that after a while, instead of taking pills to bring my period on he would have me wait an
extra ten days from the day I should start then bring me in to draw a progesterone level. If I hadn't
ovulated (i never did) i'd come in a week later for a progesterone shot to bring my period on.
Finally he decided to put me on clomid. This meant I was having to come in steadily and have ultrasounds
done too to make sure I wasn't hyperstimulated...I never was. After several months of taking Clomid
we stopped all medications. At this point we'd been on meds almost constantly for 4 years. It just
wasn't working.
My ob/gyn decided to refer me to a fertility specialist in a different state.
We had high hopes for this visit to the specialist. I was seriously hoping that he would agree to
put me on injectible medications.
Of course, once again, that wasn't the way things were meant to be.
This specialist said he'd like to put me back on glucophage and medroxyprogesterone, yep the same things
i'd been taking for the last four years that hadn't been working. he also said that he wouldn't agree
to put me on injectibles because of my weight. he suggested i look into gastric bypass (i later learned
that he suggests this to about 80% of the women who come to his clinic). We went home dejected.
Then my husband got a job with GREAT insurance. They would pay for a gastric bypass surgery. I was exstatic.
One of the sad things about PCOS, in case you didn't know, is that it is made worse by being overweight, but
one of the symptoms is obesity. Plus, once you have pcos it becomes quite difficult to lose the weight on
your own. So, I'm thinking that if I have gastric bypass surgery done, and the weight drops off, that
maybe just maybe my body will start doing the things it's supposed to.
Then of course, life dealt us another crushing blow...my husband got laid off and lost his insurance less
than a week before my initial testing for the surgery.
That was almost a year ago.
In the year since then we've been off meds. We've just sort of been letting things happen as they'll happen.
We've had two failed attempts at surrogacy. Two people very close to us agreed to carry a baby for us, and
then backed out at the last minute. I understand that dedicating nine months of your life to carrying a baby
that you're not going to keep is a huge sacrifice, i really do, but that doesn't make the heartache of hearing
that they're no longer going to do it any easier. I'm not angry though, anger is nothing but poison to the
heart. I'm just sad.
Everyone keeps saying we should adopt, but I think those people who just toss the word adoption around don't realize
exactly how difficult that process is. It's not just the $20,000+ that it costs (which we don't have), but all
the other things that go along with it. The fact that you have to live somewhere for a year before you can have your
homestudy done, the reams of paperwork you have to fill out, the red tape you have to wade through. I know that it'd
be worth it, but carl and I went through all of that in Georgia going through their pre-adoption stuff. It's very
hard and quite often leads to nothing more than another broken heart.
I have no idea where we'll go from here. I guess I keep hoping I'll wake up one morning and there'll
be a baby bundled up on my door step with a note that says "Hi, I'm yours. Please take care of me."

Current Mood: sad
Friday, December 30th, 2005
5:46 pm
How To Encourage An Infertile Friend
Infertility is very difficult for the couple who is facing it.
It can be almost as difficult for friends and family members of
the infertile couple.
Steps that you can take:
1. Let your actions show your love:
Give your friends a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Listen carefully
without offering advice or anecdotes of your own. Bring your friend
something to make them feel special.
2. Make time for your friend:
Meet them for lunch. Get a sitter for your child. Having a visit
without children might benefit both of you.
3. Be understanding if your friend seems distant:
If you have children, or are expecting, it may be painful for your
friend to be around you from time to time. Just be understanding of
their need to have time to themselves.
4. Realize that jokes can be counterproductive:
Comments like, "Why don't you drink our water?" or "Do you want to
borrow our kids?" are unkind at best.
5. Watch what you say:
If you have never experienced infertility or the loss of a pregnancy
then don't say that you understand. Even if you have been through
infertility, no two situations are the same. You can still be compassionate
without having to relate your life experiences or those of everyone you
6. Do not offer advice unless it's asked for:
Don't tell your friend that you stood on your head, went on vacation, or bought
your husband boxer shorts in order to get pregnant. They've probably already
heard it all and advice like this really isn't helpful. Such advice also suggests,
to some people, that the reason they aren't getting pregnant is because of something
that they're not doing right.
7. Avoid telling your friends to relax:
The "R" word sends shivers up any infertile person's spine. This advice is offered
almost universally by every fertile person. Relaxing is not going to change any
medical condition that might exist no matter how much we wish it might. Telling
someone to just relax makes light of their situation.
8. Do not suggest adoption as a means to a natural birth:
Although adoption can be a wonderful option, it is in no way comparative to the joy
of carrying your own child.
9. Put away your toolbox. Don't try to fix things, just love your friend and listen:
Allow your friend the freedom to express anger. As with all types of grief, there are
stages, and anger is one of them. Don't be judgemental or upset if their anger is
revealed in bitterness and jealousy toward themselves, you, others, or God. Just be
accepting and show unconditional love. That's what they need.
10. Others pregnancy:
Show tact when announcing your pregnancy or that of another. Try to share the news with
them in private. This lessons the chance of an emotional response in public, and can
shield your friend from embarressment later.
Sunday, January 1st, 2006
5:31 pm
Embryo Adoption
The problem of unneeded frozen embryos stems from the increasing use
of IVF. In this procedure, a number of eggs are harvested and combined
with sperm to make embryos. Two or more of these embryos are implanted
in a woman's uterus where it's hoped a pregnancy will occur. If couples
are successful, they may have extra frozen embryos that they do not wish
to use.
It's estimated that there are over 400,000 frozen embryos in the United
States alone, and over a million worldwide.
So far, there is only one U.S. company that participates in embryo adoption.
This is when a couple no longer wish to use the embryos that they have
cryopreserved (or frozen). Couples who wish to have children can then
go through this company to adopt one of these embryos and have it implanted
just as in traditional IVF.
There are quite a few groups out there who believe that these frozen embryos
are lifes and have just as much right to be adopted as children. Additionally,
women with poor egg quality have the chance to adopt and embryo and experience
the joy of pregnancy.
Also, it cuts down on IVF costs for couples since they're not having to pay for
the egg retrieval process.
What is everyone's opinion on embryo adoption?

Current Mood: inquisitive
Saturday, December 31st, 2005
3:57 am
Welcome to the Stepping Stones Community.
Hopefully you will be provided with the support
and information that you are needing.
Please feel free to share your feelings and
experiences with those in the community.
The door to this community is always open,
you need only to step inside.
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