Mikkii (mikkii) wrote in stepstones,

Careless Words

"But I tell you that men will have to
give account on the day of judgement
for every careless word they have spoken."
Matthew 12:36
Anyone dealing with infertility and miscarriage
knows how often we're faced with inappropriate
questions or comments from others. Most of us
learn to simply live with it and answer with somes
sense of civility and sensitivity. Others get
angry. Some will try to lighten the subject
with humor.
Empathy and compassion for the person hurting makes
people want to say something. However, I've come to
notice that most of the time people choose to speak
just to relieve their own discomfort. They talk
because they think they have to, when actually
sometimes the best response to a person who is
hurting is silence.
Here are some words meant to encourage that are truly
careless words:
1. You're still young; you'll have other/more chances.
For women who've had a miscarriage, even if other children
come along eventually, it won't diminish the pain of
losing a child. And for women who are having trouble
getting pregnant, just because they're young doesn't
mean that there will ever be a chance for them.
2. Don't give up. My aunt waited 12 years before finally
getting pregnant, or my cousin lost 3 babies before finally
carrying out a pregnancy successfully.
This means: be glad, it could be worse. Hurt is NEVER
minimized by comparison. It's hard enough to work out our own
grief without adding the grief of others to it.
3. It's probably for the best.
Never tell a woman who's lost a child that it's probably for the
best. The last thing she wants to hear is that something was
wrong with the child she'd already come to love. And a woman
who can't get pregnant doesn't want to hear how great her life
will be without children, all the things she and her husband
will be able to do. They've probably already planned out their
life surrounded with children. That's what would be best for them.
And NEVER say it was God's will. God's will is not to make
people suffer and hurt.
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