It can be almost as difficult for friends and family members of
the infertile couple.
Steps that you can take:
1. Let your actions show your love:
Give your friends a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Listen carefully
without offering advice or anecdotes of your own. Bring your friend
something to make them feel special.
2. Make time for your friend:
Meet them for lunch. Get a sitter for your child. Having a visit
without children might benefit both of you.
3. Be understanding if your friend seems distant:
If you have children, or are expecting, it may be painful for your
friend to be around you from time to time. Just be understanding of
their need to have time to themselves.
4. Realize that jokes can be counterproductive:
Comments like, "Why don't you drink our water?" or "Do you want to
borrow our kids?" are unkind at best.
5. Watch what you say:
If you have never experienced infertility or the loss of a pregnancy
then don't say that you understand. Even if you have been through
infertility, no two situations are the same. You can still be compassionate
without having to relate your life experiences or those of everyone you
6. Do not offer advice unless it's asked for:
Don't tell your friend that you stood on your head, went on vacation, or bought
your husband boxer shorts in order to get pregnant. They've probably already
heard it all and advice like this really isn't helpful. Such advice also suggests,
to some people, that the reason they aren't getting pregnant is because of something
that they're not doing right.
7. Avoid telling your friends to relax:
The "R" word sends shivers up any infertile person's spine. This advice is offered
almost universally by every fertile person. Relaxing is not going to change any
medical condition that might exist no matter how much we wish it might. Telling
someone to just relax makes light of their situation.
8. Do not suggest adoption as a means to a natural birth:
Although adoption can be a wonderful option, it is in no way comparative to the joy
of carrying your own child.
9. Put away your toolbox. Don't try to fix things, just love your friend and listen:
Allow your friend the freedom to express anger. As with all types of grief, there are
stages, and anger is one of them. Don't be judgemental or upset if their anger is
revealed in bitterness and jealousy toward themselves, you, others, or God. Just be
accepting and show unconditional love. That's what they need.
10. Others pregnancy:
Show tact when announcing your pregnancy or that of another. Try to share the news with
them in private. This lessons the chance of an emotional response in public, and can
shield your friend from embarressment later.